It seems the time has come to bring this blog to a close. The yatra has come to an end. How do I feel about that? I would be lying if I said I was ok. I have many questions of why, what happened, where is God in all of this. I feel dreamless, scared to dream again. There is an unfulfilled void in me. My optimism seems far from me these days but my yatra (journey) has been a journey I would not change. I was not sure I would even write here again because I didn't want to end on a defeated note.
The one thing I learned on this journey is the importance of love and it seems to be the one thing people hurt us with most. When you love with all your heart you are bound to get hurt but it shouldn't stop us loving.
I am by nature loyal, I will be loyal even to the detriment of myself and so when others are dishonest or disloyal to me it cuts me to the bone but I will keep on loving them. I feel India was robbed from me through friends who betrayed my trust. But I must learn to trust again, to trust people and God. I need time to heal and time to grieve for what has been lost to me. I have forgiven but I still hurt.
So I end this yatra with a prayer for love.
"God, help me to love you with all my heart and to feel your love again. Help me to love those that have wronged me. Help me to love the life I have here and now. Help me to have a greater capacity to love those around me. Please increase my faith and fill me with hope. Help us all to love one another.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1Cor 13:13
God is not finished with His Plan
ReplyDeleteYour journey has and will continue to challenge and inspire others on their journeys . . . but I'm sorry for the pain
We'll pray for you and the fam
Thank you for sharing, Jodi. It has been a blessing
kevin
Hey Jodi,
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of you today - you came up in conversation with our new neighbours who go to Horizon. I thought I would check in with your blog to see how you all were and found this post today. My heart goes out to you and though I know God will have many more wonderful journeys for you – the pain you feel in the circumstances of leaving this one behind must be so raw.
You put your feelings across so transparently it's impossible not to feel something of the ‘soreness’ in your heart.
A friend of mine wrote that the process of grieving is like “being handed a loaf of stale mouldy bread and being told to eat the whole thing, one dry scratching bite at a time. We have no appetite for grief. And yet it is work that must be done, a job that cannot be left unfinished, or else it will take our lives too”.
Your honesty as you walk from this place into the next is inspiring. I don’t know enough about the dream you have been forced to sideline to offer you any real comfort in it, but I will pray that as a fresh path unfolds in front of you that it will begin to hold for you some of the same desire, potential, excitement and hope that you had for your “Yatra to India”.
You shared Gods love, you planted seeds that will grow into something wonderful. You made a difference in the lives of the people you touched and what you gave out will not come back void – of this I am sure. Thanks for sharing Jodi x Kelly Burgess
Much love Jodi..xoxo You have walked (and are walking) this difficult road with such dignity and grace. I am full of hope for your future even if you can't hope right now. So glad I can call you my friend. You are a treasure.
ReplyDeleteI feel your heartbeat lovely Jodi (it's steady and strong) even though it may not be what you're feeling right now....Big hug!
ReplyDeleteAs always, you friend
Jodi,
ReplyDeletehaven't been here for awhile but was thinking of you today - I can so feel your pain - when dreams are snatched away there is always the question of why and trying to make sense - we don't always get the answers - you are amazing - your capacity to love and forgive will allow you to take up a new journey when it comes and to step through new doors when they open. Thanks for sharing so beautifully - India is richer for your family xx