Hospitality

Hospitality and the way we don't even know we have a culture in it is something that becomes very evident when you are in a foreign land.

We were invited to the home of one of the agricultural workers here at the home. He over sees the crops, planting and harvesting. He has been a part of this girls home for 38 years and has seen a lot of people come and go.

We arrived at his place via small black and yellow autos that bumped over the somewhat uneven road and a couple of the kids went with D.C on the scooter.

As soon as we arrived, baby was whipped away and laid to sleep in a bedroom with about 3 ladies keeping watch over him and I did not see him again until he needed a feed about 1.5hrs later.

We were all sat in the lounge with the TV playing a video of their daughters wedding that had taken place while we were in Goa. A woman came with a bowl and jug of water to wash our hands and then a scrumptious beef (yes, beef) biriani was brought to us. None of the hosts sat with us as food was passed out and this is a common thing here in India. We did invite them to eat with us but only our friend who invited us joined. Generally the family will serve the guests and only eat once the guests have eaten enough and they have gone home. I had more than enough as food kept getting piled on my plate even though I protested. We asked for just a small amount for the boys but they got about the helping I would have liked. Needless to say our tummies were over extended that afternoon and I was in no need for dinner that night. We were also served a desert that was a bit like bread and butter pudding but with a bit of aromatic spice. It was very tasty. The meal was ended with another hand washing and then it was time to feed the baby that I had not seen for the entire time of being there. We then headed home. The hosts came out when it was time for us to leave and we had a small conversation in broken English. So I really couldn't tell you much about our hosts as I didn't really even get to see much of them and I am not sure I would even recognise them in the street to be honest. It's such a difference to our culture where you socialise over food and it's a time of togetherness and bonding. I'm not sure I will ever get used to eating on our own at someones house but I do appreciate their welcoming us into their home and filling out tummies. I hope I can reciprocate and have them over to us sometime soon. I wonder what they would think if we sat down and ate with them?

What's the haps?

Mrs chilly has started to nip at my toes as the day begins but gets nudged out the way by midday only to return again in the evening. Needless to say, socks and blankets are now part of the daily routine.

We have been up to Bangalore a few days back as we are trying to get Son 4's permission to leave the country. The complicated thing is that he is now a NZ citizen by decent and holds an NZ passport (all of which we received much quicker than anticipated which was a huge relief). Of course he does not have a visa or stamp in his passport to say he arrived in the country so we need to get permission for him to leave. We e-mailed and Phoned the FRRO ( Foreign registration office) and got the same information from two sources. We needed to go to Bangalore and register him within 14 days of receiving his passport. So we got all our documents together and arrived at the office within the time frame. They decided that he should have registered 14 days after issue of the passport and no amount of trying to explain that we did not yet have the passport to register him was understood. So then we were told we will need to pay a fine for not registering on time and get an extension, an extension on what???? Finally after much questioning and confusion, the lady in charge finally said that since we have to pay a fine anyway then just don't bother registering him, come back 4 days before we depart, pay the fine and get an exit permit. So this is what we will do.

Things here at the 'Home' have been great. I really love these girls so much. Just recently I feel that my relationship with them has deepened, especially with the older girls. They used to confide in DC but they are now also drawing nearer to me. We have the older girls 2 nights a week at our place for a discussion time. The other night we were looking at love and love languages, it was very insightful to see how they perceived love from us all. I wont go into details for confidentiality's sake. The funny thing is that one of the girls now informs me of what type of love she is showing me e.g she will hug me and then say "physical touch" or compliment me and say, "words of affirmation," it's become a bit of a joke between us. The girls will not go to college without coming to our house first for their morning hug. They even race each other to see who gets the first hug and this is 16/17 year olds I am talking about. We all need a good hug from time to time. Love love love love love... yes I am still passionate about it, it just has to be at the core of everything we do. With out love all else is meaningless.

I continue to be so proud of my own kids and how freely they share us with 60 other daughters. We make sure we have family time and have a couple of meals a week at our home because I never want to make my kids feel like they come off second best. Our kids have made some great friends and mingle well. The  boys sometimes get irritated with all the attention and cheek pinching but they can stand their ground among the high doses of estrogen that surround them.

Our Goa experience

This was the best holiday we have had in ages. The sand the sun the surf, bliss. We had a great little apartment to stay in and hired a scooter to get around on. (multiple trips of course) We enjoyed the days spent lazing in the shacks playing chess, eating, drinking and swimming. It was amazing because we were given some Christmas money and it meant we could not only be at the wedding but enjoy a bit of R&R and spoil ourselves a little. I'll let the pictures say more that words.

 

Goan wedding

I forgot to mention on my last post that my kids were involved in the Christmas production. Daughter 1 was in a play and daughter 3 was in a dance. They did really well and it's great that they are able to have these opportunities here.

So, now onto the wedding....  Situated on squeaky white sand under the coconut trees, the sun shining but a cool breeze blowing, the groom awaited his bride. Now let me let you in on some details of our relationship to the bride and groom. We really met properly about 4 years ago although we knew the groom since he was about 14yrs and I had met the bride once or twice before this. We happened to get to know each other through a friend who was living in our caravan and we had a mutual love for India. Over the years our relationship changed from acquaintance to almost parent/accountability to a very strong and close friendship. We probably know all there is to know about each other, strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures. We have known each other in the highs and in the absolute lows. I don't know if there is anything we do not know about each other. We are completely vulnerable and bare before each other. I am so pleased we have been able to share in their wedding day, I couldn't have bared to miss it.

Back to the wedding.... The bride appeared radiant, she looked stunning. The two looked like a picture out of a fairytale and I felt like I had been plonked into a page of a book. Their vowels were enough to make anyone cry with words of poetry oozing from both of them. The reception was fantastic, the food magnificent and more speeches that caused lumps in the throat. What a terrific and memorable time we had.



Son 3 was page boy and got to run up with the rings and give a high 5. He was given a sweet from the groom... missed the high five so came back for a second one. He looked real cute.

Christmas

It's been an action packed time recently. It really started off with our friends arriving from NZ, one of which was to be a groom. It was such a great time and I loved seeing them fall in love with all our precious girls here. I think we may have stolen a little bit of their hearts to keep here and maybe draw them back again at some time in the future. We loved showing them around and being able to talk the same language and laugh at the same things. We loved eating masala dosa and drinking small cups of chai followed by bigger cups of tea at home. We shopped for pants for Son 3 to wear as page boy. It's not easy finding a plain pair of pants and a white shirt, clothes for boys tend to be striped and multi coloured and pants tend to be covered in zips and other add on bits and pieces. It was also nice to say goodbye to them as we knew we would soon be seeing them in Goa for the wedding in a weeks time.

Then came Christmas. First we had a concert where the girls families and friends were invited. It was lots of work for those involved and there were high stress levels at times from Dorm mothers but it all came together in the end and probably the best it has ever been according to some board members. Son 4 even got to be baby Jesus. I was so proud of all the girls. At one point I was watching some of the more senior girls dancing and I had to bite my lip to stop it quivering and I tried hard to hide my watery eyes, I just felt so proud of them. I watched them with great warmth in my heart as if they were my own girls.

Christmas Eve we had a bonfire with songs and stories followed by presents for all the girls. They received a dress each and some other bits and pieces. It was so great to see the girls all enjoying themselves and smiling from ear to ear. My girls had bought two DVDs for the all the girls. You should have heard the screams of delight when they saw what they had been given. One was a movie they had wanted to see but we had said we would not down load it or get a pirated copy so they would need to buy it. My girls decided all on their own and with their own money to buy it. It was a moment that any parent would love to see.

We are so grateful to our church and others that gave so generously to make such a wonderful Christmas for all the girls at the Home. They had a lovely lunch on Christmas day and everything was set up nicely on the table and the girls were served their lunch.

As a family we opened our presents on Christmas eve because we were catching a bus to Bangalore followed by the train to Goa on Christmas day. Some of the 'Home' girls bough us gifts and even though some of the things we are not quite sure what to so with, the thought was precious. We now have a plastic purple flashing thingy and a fake flower in a glass cup with colored polystyrene around it :) We may need to make a shelf specially for gifts like this.

So our Christmas day ended as we dozed off to sleep on the train after 4 hours on a bus and settled in for a 14 hr train ride. Everyone traveled well including the baby. He's just amazing. The only challenge we had was a sudden awakening to Son 3 vomiting all over himself. He must have eaten something bad. Fortunately he was only sick the once and went back to sleep after. You never sleep soundly on the train but at least you can lie down. I still smile every time I hear the Chai wallahs calling.... "chai chai chai" You need to say it with a high pitched nasal sound. This is usually followed or proceeded by the equally enchanting call for coffee... "kapi kapi kapi kapi" said fast and increasing in pitch. Ahhh gotta love india.