After a wonderful Easter weekend and especially a really special brunch full of eggs, fresh cut fruit, hot cross buns brought from Ooty and then a treasure Easter hunt for our kids and for the girls that did not get to go home for the holidays, I walked around the compound here. I looked at the mangoes ripening on the trees and could picture plucking one soon and sitting under the tree with sticky juice running everywhere and then having to run from the monstrous ants that would be after me. I enjoyed walking in the cool of the Bunyan trees, looking at the tomatoes growing, the corn, the cows, the vine of some sort that would be growing some mystery fruit or vege soon. Would it be a melon, pumpkin, cucumber? They all look the same to me before they fruit. The place seemed to be fertile and alive and fresh and perfect. I felt like I had a wee snippet of the garden of Eden and I felt fulfilled. It was a wonderful feeling.
Then I don't know what or how it happened but today was the first day where I thought I wanted to return to NZ. We had issues getting some business paper work done and DC had to line up for an hour for the 3 rd time only to be told he still needed to bring more identification. Now it was not that that really bothered me as I know that in India things take longer and small things become big things but I hate seeing DC so upset about it. I don't like seeing his frustration and him being down and so I thought to myself, if we are just going to be here going up and down, up and down and my hubby is not happy then why are we here. Maybe we should just go, pack up and leave. I just want to see him happy and fulfilled.
So those were my thoughts and then I have to weigh those thoughts up and all the things that have happened to get us here, all those "coincidences". Yesterday felt like paradise and yet today I wanted to leave. Lots of jumbled thoughts swimming around. I love India, I love the people but some days it is hard and then you get over it and you carry on. I guess we are still waiting to see how we fit in here at the girls home and see what God does. I love these kids here but don't feel that I am contributing much yet. Time, time, time I guess.
So there's my wee waffle that may or not make sense.
Then I don't know what or how it happened but today was the first day where I thought I wanted to return to NZ. We had issues getting some business paper work done and DC had to line up for an hour for the 3 rd time only to be told he still needed to bring more identification. Now it was not that that really bothered me as I know that in India things take longer and small things become big things but I hate seeing DC so upset about it. I don't like seeing his frustration and him being down and so I thought to myself, if we are just going to be here going up and down, up and down and my hubby is not happy then why are we here. Maybe we should just go, pack up and leave. I just want to see him happy and fulfilled.
So those were my thoughts and then I have to weigh those thoughts up and all the things that have happened to get us here, all those "coincidences". Yesterday felt like paradise and yet today I wanted to leave. Lots of jumbled thoughts swimming around. I love India, I love the people but some days it is hard and then you get over it and you carry on. I guess we are still waiting to see how we fit in here at the girls home and see what God does. I love these kids here but don't feel that I am contributing much yet. Time, time, time I guess.
So there's my wee waffle that may or not make sense.
I hear ya...been there, sometimes still there. I remind myself that I am glad we dont make decisions based on emotion! :-)
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